by Shirley Shropshire, MS, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist Associate
“I’m not the one with the problem.” It can be difficult for some couples to contemplate couple or marriage counseling when one partner is clearly seen as having a problem. After all, there is likely a long history behind the problem that has undoubtedly aided in helping each person take their stance. It is not unusual for one partner to seek individual counseling, even though the partner with the problem truly desires to work on the couple relationship. How does one decide between individual versus couples counseling? Let’s consider how either type of therapy might be used when a couple relationship is the motivation for counseling.
Individual Counseling
Individual counseling may help a person gain a better understanding of the problem, when it is better, when it is worse, when it started, and how it impacts the couple relationship. Some individuals recognize that the problem existed before the couple relationship even began, while others recognize the problem began at some point in the relationship and changed over time. Individual counseling may help some clients increase their management and understanding the problem. It can also create an opportunity for a person to increase their confidence in handling the problem or allow the space needed to address deeply personal issues created by the problem. Some individuals realize the problem has been long standing but find it is difficult to discuss or even think about and do not know how to approach their partner with the problem. At times, one partner may even refuse to attend couples therapy making individual counseling the only choice. If possible, have a conversation with your partner to determine if he/she is willing or unwilling to attend counseling as a couple before deciding on individual counseling.
It can be hard to decide what kind of counseling is needed when it feels like your relationship is in trouble. I offer free 15 minute consultations as a way to provide information and answer questions, so consider discussing your concerns with a therapist before deciding.
Marriage/Couples Counseling
Marriage/Couples counseling can be an easy decision for couples who clearly see the problem as something that is happening between them. The problem gets in the way of the couple relationship and the couple is ready and willing to face the problem together. Sometimes couples can’t quite put their finger on the problem, but they know that is exists and they want to fix it. While some couples naturally view their relationship as the priority in therapy, others may have a difficult time seeing how the problem is connected to the couple relationship. As long as both partners are committed to improving their relationship, then couples counseling should be considered. In fact, partners should consider how working together and providing mutual support can help each person achieve satisfaction in the relationship. In short, both partners get to voice their concerns and hopes for the relationship. Each partner’s perspective is part of therapy and provides information to the therapist that helps focus sessions.
