By Shirley Shropshire, MS, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist Associate

Affairs are difficult for couples to confront.  They can bring on a multitude of emotions that have lasting effects like the aftershocks of an earthquake.  In fact, they shake the very foundation of a couple’s relationship, which is why they are so difficult for couples to face.  The revelation of an affair instantly breaks trust.

In a split second, the world you thought you knew and could trust is suddenly ripped apart.  It is difficult to think, to respond, and your emotions may have you fluctuating between anger and utter despair.  An offending partner may sway from guilt to shame.  It is not surprising that many couples seek counseling to manage the roller coaster of thoughts and emotions that follow an affair, not to mention how the affair will affect your relationship in the long term.

Yet, many couples cannot move their relationship forward without actually having conversations that help them understand the affair and what it really means for their relationship.

Conversations about:

• the offending partner’s motivations in the affair.
• what kept the affair going.
• how to establish a sense of safety for the hurt partner when trust is difficult.
• how to create a space that allows each partner to consider what healing is needed and how it will look in the relationship.
• a couple’s future.

These are just a few of the many conversations couples will need to have in order to confront the impact of an affair.

How can couple counseling help partners face an affair?   Couple counseling can do many things to support couples.  It can:

• provide a safe environment for partners to share thoughts and emotions.
• maintain an appropriate focus on each partner’s experience that supports understanding and decision making.
• help partners understand the role the affair played in the relationship.
• assist partners in formulating actions to rebuild trust.
• create an appropriate pace that respects both partners.
• discover and use new tools to rebuild contact within the relationship.

Of course there are trends and statistics that back up a therapist’s knowledge about affairs, but none of them will tell a therapist exactly what will happen in any one relationship.  Affairs occur for many different reasons and under many different circumstances.  Each couple has a story that was being written before the affair and if the couple is willing, well after.

If you made it here and are struggling to face the aftermath of an affair, consider contacting us to begin Marriage or Couple Counseling.

Want to know more, hear more, see more………….. then watch world renowned couple expert Esther Perel discuss her therapeutic experience working with couples struggling though affairs.