By Shirley Shropshire, MS, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist Associate

What do you say to your partner about sex?  We live in a culture where sex is used to promote everything from food to travel.  It makes sense that partners bring various ideas about sex into the bedroom.  Sexual preferences and desires come in many flavors.  Yet, it is interesting how little some couples consider emotional not just physical intimacy.  When you hear the word intimacy, which concept of intimacy is in your thoughts, emotional or physical?  Perhaps both? Sometimes couples focus exclusively on the physical aspects of sex in the moment, forgetting or ignoring their emotions.  Actually, improving emotional intimacy outside of the bedroom can ignite passion in the bedroom.  Sound confusing?

Consider This

Think about times when your partner paid attention to a particular struggle you were experiencing or responded to you in a way that made you feel better.  What did your partner do?  Did your partner listen to you talk about your day, help you with something so you could have a break, or embrace you to show support?  How did it make you feel about your partner? Yourself? Your relationship?

When partners pay attention and respond to one another’s emotional ups and downs, it creates connection.  It sends the signal that partners understand and care about one another.  That same connection filters into a couple’s sex life.  Now flip the script, how do you respond to your partner’s emotions in your relationship?  What do you do?  What do you say?

Do This

Talk with your partner about how well each of you understand or respond to one another, how it might be improved, and what is currently working and appreciated.  Be honest, don’t expect your partner to read your mind.  The goal is to increase one another’s understanding, not play the blame game.  Be open, listen, and learn about your partner.

Concerned about your relationship? Read about Couples Therapy .